


You the Whole Time

by WrathoftheStag



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: A mystery!, First Kisses, Fluff, M/M, baked goods defiled, felonious things, pie shenanigans, prezimbits, silliness, zimbits - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 08:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19786642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrathoftheStag/pseuds/WrathoftheStag
Summary: Someone has been defiling Bitty’s baked goods at night, and he’s on a mission to find out who and why.





	You the Whole Time

**Author's Note:**

> This is for [bitty-davis-eyes](https://bitty-davis-eyes.tumblr.com/) and [calla](https://calla.tumblr.com/), over on Tumblr, who both asked for #26 from the prompt list: “It was you the whole time.”

It started inconspicuously enough. Bitty would wake up each morning and find his pies defiled. Of course, his pies were meant for eating and enjoying, but this was something else. _Defiled!_

Everything would happen overnight it seemed. Bitty would go to bed with a perfectly lovely pie and wake up to some major pie nonsense. A sliver missing here, a full slice gone there, but then things got worse and soon it appeared as if someone had used their bare hands to hack away at it. Pie filling would be smeared against the counter, the aluminum foil sloppily torn. 

Things were definitely getting out of hand when he walked into the kitchen one morning, pulled back the foil, and Lord have mercy, someone had _bitten_ into the pie. The total gall! Just a giant ass bite mark and a trail of crumbs.

Bitty stared at the pie in disbelief. How very dare?

He exhaled sharply, took a pot from the cupboard and a wooden spoon, and walked around the haus as he banged them.

“Haus meeting! Haus meeting! Everyone meet in the living room for a haus meeting!”

He gathered up his evidence and then sat on the couch (on the knitted throw, of course) as he waited for everyone to come down. 

“What’s up, Bitty?” Ransom asked and plopped down next to him. Holster filed in, as did Shitty, and eventually Jack.

“What LAX bro do we have to prank now?” Shitty asked excitedly.

“This has nothing to do with the LAX bros,” Bitty said solemnly. “This is much graver.”

He looked at the motley crew around him, pausing momentarily as he locked eyes with each one.

“You’re kind of freaking me out, dude,” Holster said.

“Would anyone, care to explain this‽” Bitty asked.

He then ripped back the dish towel that covered the pie which sat on his lap. Everyone leaned in for a better look.

“The pie?” Jack finally asked.

“No, _this_. Look! See? There’s a nasty bite. A big chunk missin'. Someone, one of you heathens, took a bite out of this pie last night.”

Everyone balked, and Jack began to get up.

“I’m not done, Jack,” Bitty as he held up a hand.

“Don’t look at me. You know how I am about my diet. I don’t need to be here,” Jack said with a shrug.

Bitty studied him for a beat. “Okay, you’re dismissed.”

“Gee, thanks, Bittle,” Jack said flatly as he walked up the stairs and Bitty forged on.

“Y’all know I love cooking for you. Pies? Yes, please! Cookies? Of course! But if you go around acting like you don’t have a lick of sense and go taking huge bites out of whole pies without any sense of decorum… well then, we may as well be flinging poop against the walls.”

Holster snorted, as Ransom said, “Dude,” softly.

“It wasn’t me,” Shitty yelled out.

The three began to bicker, and Bitty held up a hand again.

“All I’m saying is that if you hooligans can’t respect the pie,” Bitty leaned in, “there will be no pie.”

He rose from the couch and took the pie, cradling it in his arms.

That evening, he made a lavender peach pie and spent almost too much time cutting out pastry leaves and flowers for the lattice.

After it was done baking, he left it on the counter to cool with a sticky note which read _FOR TOMORROW. DO NOT TOUCH._

Bitty turned off the kitchen lights and went to bed.

The next morning, Bitty stumbled downstairs bleary-eyed and headed straight to the kitchen. He screamed when he saw his pie.

It looked as though someone had punched their fist through it and ate it Cookie Monster-style. Bitty was so enraged, that everyone was too afraid to approach him or even ask if they could have the sad, mangled leftovers. 

Bitty tossed the entire thing in the trash, went upstairs, and slammed his bedroom door. As he stewed in bed, he could hear Jack's voice downstairs. 

"Whoever it is, knock it off," he said. 

Bitty smiled in spite of his foul mood.

The next night, Bitty was avoiding an anthropology paper by making some chocolate coconut macaroons instead.

"You want some help?"

Bitty turned to find Jack smiling, leaning against the doorjamb. He could feel his cheeks pink as he zoomed in on Jack's mouth.

"Oh, uh, sure," he replied.

The two had become closer this past year, and Bitty couldn't believe how he now considered Jack to be one of his best friends.

The two fell into their usual mix of comfortable conversation peppered with equal parts comfortable silence. Bitty knew he would miss it when Jack graduated next month, and he'd rather not think about it. 

"Now dip the end of the macaroon into the melted chocolate, just like this."

Bitty demonstrated as Jack paid close attention. 

"Like this, right?" 

Jack gingerly dipped the macaroon into the dark chocolate and laughed when it slipped out of his hand. It plopped loudly into the melted chocolate. 

"Precision, please!" Bitty said as he laughed and playfully smacked Jack on the arm.

"Save the checking for the ice, Bittle," Jack countered. 

The two then began flicking chocolate at each other, giggling and chirping. And when Jack took Bitty's hands into his, to stop him from making more of a mess, the two paused as their eyes met.

Bitty's breath hitched, and he saw Jack's pupils dilate.

Jack then cleared his throat. "Sorry about the mess. Euh, let me clean up."

"Oh… yeah. Thanks, Jack."

Whatever bit of pure happiness Bitty had felt a few moments ago was now long gone. He went to bed that night feeling restless and uneasy, and not even sure why.

The next morning, Bitty awoke to Shitty hollering from the kitchen.

"Uh, Bitty," he called out. “Can you come down here‽”

Bitty grumbled into his pillow and shouted back, “What now? I’m coming!”

By the time he went downstairs, Ransom was also in the kitchen.

“It wasn’t me, dude,” he said as Bitty peered over to the counter.

Half of the chocolate macaroons were gone, and the other half had bites taken out of them.

“Are y’all kidding me with this shit‽”

Shitty looked on and scratched his head. “It’s like a goddamn fucking crime scene, brah.”

Jack appeared behind them.

“Our macaroons,” he said sadly. “What happened?”

“I’ll tell you what happened! This may very well be the last batch of anything I bake for you ingrates!” 

Bitty shook a fist at them and walked out of the haus and headed straight to Annie’s. Sure he was still in his pajamas and had no money, but hell, he had dramatically stormed out of the kitchen in his pajamas, and he couldn’t exactly storm back in.

A few blocks later, Jack trotted up next to Bitty.

“Bittle, you can’t go to Annie’s without money or in your sleepwear.”

“Sleepwear? Lord, you are a grandpa.”

Jack smirked. “Come on; I’ll use my senior citizen’s discount to buy you a coffee.”

After inhaling a muffin and downing half a cappuccino, Bitty felt better.

“So I think, what you need to do is set up a camera or something like they do on those babysitting shows,” Jack said.

“Babysitting shows?" Bitty laughed. "Oh, you mean a nanny cam?”

“Yeah, one of those. And then we catch whoever it is. Maybe a LAX bro is breaking in and doing all that.” Jack leaned in and whispered, “Maybe he’s doing _things_ with the pies?”

Bitty wrinkled his nose. “Sweet Mary, I hope not! Well, I don’t have a nanny cam, but I do have my camera I use to record my vlog. Maybe I can set that up and see?”

“Haha, maybe it’s a raccoon?” Jack said as he chuckled to himself and shook his head.

Bitty smiled. Jack could very well be the cutest dork he knew.

That night, Bitty set up his camera and hid it behind the toaster. He put some tape to cover the blinking red light, pressed record and hoped for the best. He then put out a blueberry lemon bundt cake. The trap was set and tomorrow, the mystery would be solved. He hoped.

Bitty tossed and turned for what felt like a few hours, and then sleep finally overtook him. That night, he dreamt of giant cupcakes with arms and legs chasing him around the kitchen. Jack then appeared out of nowhere and stabbed one of the cupcakes with a butter knife. Just as Bitty was going to give Dream Jack a celebratory hug, he startled awake.

Bitty sat in bed and tried to slow his breath. He glanced at his clock. 6:00 a.m. It was too early for anything until he remembered the video camera.

He jumped out of bed and raced downstairs. Impatiently, he rewound the camera and then fast-forwarded to a point where he noticed movement. There, in the moon-lit kitchen, at 1:52 a.m., a figure entered the kitchen. They left the lights off, and Bitty squinted to try to make out who it was. They finally entered the frame completely and Bitty saw the perpetrator’s face.

“Oh my god!” Bitty gasped.

Bitty ran upstairs and went straight to Jack’s room and knocked frantically.

“Jack! Open up, it’s me! I know who the defiler is!”

Jack opened the door a smidge, still looking sleep tousled and somewhat confused.

“What?” he said.

“Can I come in?”

Jack nodded and opened the door all the way as he motioned inside.

Bitty rewound to the right spot and handed his camera to Jack.

“Look…”

Jack watched, and Bitty stood by him, craning his neck to get a better look.

“See? Here he comes.”

Jack continued watching, and then his eyes grew when he saw the person… was himself.

“It was you the whole time,” Bitty said.

“What?” Jack croaked out, dumbfounded.

“It was you the whole time.”

“What the hell‽ Am I...”

Bitty nodded. “Yeah, you’re sleepwalking. Or more accurately, sleep eating.”

Jack watched with a horrified look on his face. Jack watched himself stumbling around the kitchen, then grab a fistful of bundt cake and shove it into his mouth. He then wiped his face on the curtains.

“In all fairness, you didn’t know it was you, and I didn’t think it was you,” Bitty said kindly.

“Bittle… I--I’m so sorry.”

“I know, Jack. You weren’t doing it on purpose or to be malicious. I’m actually not sure _why_ you were doing it, but…” Bitty shrugged and took the camera away from Jack.

Jack furrowed his brow, and Bitty watched with fascination as Jack began a face journey. Finally, he mouthed _wow_ and then turned to fully face Bitty.

“My therapist says that sometimes when you want something but can’t admit it—or aren’t sure if you should let yourself have it, the body and mind have ways of letting you know… somehow.”

“You wanted more pie?” Bitty asked.

Jack shook his head. “No, I’m not explaining myself right. _Tabarnak_.”

Jack walked away from Bitty and turned his back to him. He ran his hands through his hair and exhaled shakily.

“What? What is it?” 

Jack turned to face Bitty. He worried his bottom lip, studied Bitty intently then let out a huff of air and in two strides stood in front of him.

He leaned down and planted a kiss on Bitty, who stood there stunned with eyes wide open. Bitty then melted into the kiss, and when Jack tenderly took Bitty’s face into his hands, Bitty thought he was going to die.

When they finally parted, Bitty’s eyes opened slowly to a smiling Jack.

“I’m sorry,” Jack said softly. “I should have asked if that was okay. Is it… okay?”

“It’s more than okay,” Bitty replied breathlessly.

The two smiled at each other.

“So, all that time you were eating my pie, you really wanted… me?” Bitty asked then immediately blushed.

Jack smiled warmly. “I guess I was sublimating my feelings for you into your baked goods?”

Bitty laughed. “Jack, you ate a lot of pie!”

“Yeah, I guess I did,” he chuckled.

“And cookies and more pie!” Bitty chirped. 

The two exchanged another soft glance and then Bitty spoke.

“So, um, now what?” 

Jack leaned in, causing Bitty’s eyes to flutter shut, and he gently pressed a kiss to each lid as Bitty gasped softly. When Bitty opened his eyes again, Jack lovingly stroked Bitty’s cheek.

“How about we make plans for a date,” Jack said. “Over a slice of pie?”

Bitty nodded happily and smiled as he reached up to kiss Jack some more.

**Author's Note:**

> Morning breath? What morning breath! 😜
> 
> Come and say [hi on Tumblr](http://wrathofthestag.tumblr.com/).
> 
> All OMGCP characters belong to Ngozi Ukazu


End file.
